GAM (The Kilted One) wrote:Yeah.. along with money man...

Shoot me your address so I can send a wedding gift (it's about 8' long and leather ).

J/k of course.

Congrats again.

ohhh man, now you got me going. Maybe I will work on moving the wedding up a few years!

Ive known old timers who have been together their entire lives and have never been "married". And I know married people,who had the big wedding,and thought they were so in love, etc that lasted 3-5 years max.To ask the old timers they will tell you that if they are doing what married couples are doing and are successful why is it so important to a have a piece of metal on your finger you can walk around and show people to brag about.
I asked some of the married people I knew that didn't make it and the number one answer that kept coming up...the love/romance was gone....What???????


I'm married now and honestly I'm no happier than when I was single or when we were dating. The only thing that changed was my tax status. Cynical? No. Just real.

A lot of people today walk around and talk about they are so in love and really have no meaning of what it is, if there is such a thing. (don't believe me..look in off-topic). To me being in love is not a good enough reason for marriage. You should know what it is to be devoted. You can fall in and out of love in an instant. So what happens if you marry someone you think you're "in love" and find out two months later what you thought was love ..wasn't.

Me, if I'm going to devote the rest of my life to someone I want it to be for more tangible reasons.
Think of it as a business merger...( yeah I know it sounds cold, but hear me out). Two separate entities (businesses) merge together to become one because they both have the same interests and common goal(s) and each would benefit out of the merger.

Marriage is two separate entities merging together. If either entity really doesn't benefit from the merger or each has separate goals..then why do it. Later on that one entity is going to become unsatisfied and want out or look to other sources to get the need thats not being fulfilled. resulting in an unsuccessful venture (marriage)

I think a lot of marriages are failing because people aren't being more realistic and are becoming engulfed with fairytale dreams and TV soap operas, along with Dr Phil and Ophra.

Marriage is good for some people but not everyone. But marriage is not the end all


Say it with me, "Its not what you know...It's what you can prove"

Emor8t (Moderators Rule) wrote:Uh the papers are important.

Yea if your "married" and your a darn WOP (not italian in this case) its just a glorified bf/gf thing to me. I mean that the legal acknowledgement of your marriage. Just gonna wake up one morning decide you can't stand the other person and leave? Cause you can. Thats whats so crappy about divorce is it seems that at the first sign of trouble people jump ship on a marriage (you know that commitment your supposed to keep for life) and without papers its just that much easier.

Actually, no, after 3 months of sharing a common address and common assets, in the absence of a notarised agreement during or before the initial 3 months, you're as good as married. If you have common assets, it's just as easy.

I don't think the problem is people jumping ship at the first sign of trouble, it's people not being honest with themselves or each other, and having a situation degenerate until they're not able to stand it anymore. That, and most people are too self-centered to really be able to sacrifice a bit to make things work.

Quote:


Call me old fashioned but when/if I get married, I'm not going to give up that easily. Yea theres some legit reasons to get a divorce. like spousal abuse and maybe cheating. But stupid little arguments and crap is not enough to throw it away.

Most people who hang out in the war forum are a bunch of cynics( and if that works for you. good on ya) so those just proposing or thinking about it don't get scared away.

Being cynical hasn't got anything to do with it... You can be cynical about relationships and still have one endure. Look at me.. 5 years with my GF this past December... perfect relationship? No, hardly... we've had our fair share of problems, and both of us work to make it better... sometimes one more than the other, but THAT'S LIFE.

I think that there are a lot of people that have rose coloured glasses on when they get into a relationship, and personally, I figure that it's a better idea for people to live together and deal with being with another person's quirks, and figure out if it's worth it. It's all fine and dandy to say you're going to work it out, and for a while you might even believe it, but if you're not compatible, and you're not going to make it... do you keep up with the garbage and cause yourself a lot of unneccessary pain and bother to save something you shouldn't have gotten into because of some idea of "making it work" from the 50's?

I say this, without mentioning kids... Kids alter the equation radically... but the end result should bear a lot more thought. I think that kids, with both a mom and dad in the same place that love each other and their kids, will be ultimately happier and more stable children. If, however, the kids have to contend with parents that don't love each other but are prolonging an unhealthy relationship for the kids' sake, they'll either reject both parents, or worse, learn and carry-on those unhealthy kinds of relationships.

Sometimes, it's just better that both make a break, and leave the relationship where it was, and lead separate lives, for both their sakes, and any children. It is far better, however, if the people involved (before kids enter the equation) ask themselves if they honestly know themselves and the other person well enough to answer without hesitation if they want to spend the rest of their lives with that person.

Basically, what I said to Rollinredcavi is what I say to any friends or family that is considering marrying someone... regardless of whether or not I know the other person well.

Personally, I don't NEED to marry my GF, because like SG said... it'll just be a tax status change. We legally have joint assets, and in the event of a break up, we have a signed and notarised agreement as to how our joint assets will be divided, as well as the settlement of any debts. I don't like to be uptight about a relationship, but if you get into anything like a marriage or even a common-law relationship, you need to protect yourselves and each other.




Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

I think you both are completely logical in thinking. Obviously I am not married yet, and soon enough will be, but I have put more serious thought into this that anything yet in my life. My fiance and I have been through a lot of crap together. There were times when we would almost ignore eachother for several weeks at a time. Finally we talked and we would figure out what made these things happen and how can we help to solve this and keep it from occuring again.

Early on in the relationship I cheated on her. That caused major issues to state the obvious. At that point I thought it was over right there. Well, she wasnt even ready to give up at that point. she made it clear that mistakes happen and it may be forgiven if I can truly show how much I care. Well needless to say you see where we are now. There has been a few times where both of us were ready to give up, but we talked and said that somewhere there must be feelings for eachother and we need to find them.

I have been contemplating for so long about those issues that I mentioned. At first I thought that it was destined to fail because of these frequently occuring problems. After a while I started to realize that arguements and low times are not problems, the problem is not working through things in whatever possible ways you can find. Maybe some will dissagree with me for this, but it seems to me when the most valued aspect of our relationship is concentrating on making the other happy to work through problems, there is a base to start somthing. Its really hard to explain how I feel. Like you guys said the people that get married based off of love, romance, and lust, will eventually get to that point where neither wants to put in any effort and those things that brought about the marriage are gone, and they will never have the ablitly to work through the problems, they end in divorce.

We have talked and made it a goal to not base the marriage off of fantasy and just plain feelings for eachother. Because we have both seen that at times those things are lost, but with the right tools you can get throught them.

This is one reason that religiously based marriages are the longest lasting and most frequently result in life-long commitments. Because they stress aspects other that lust and romance.

lust and romance isnt the same thing as love.


ive never understood the people who fight and argue and break up and get back together with each other. i mean if i didnt talk to my girflriend (now wife) for seven weeks, by that point i'd have realised i didnt need her, and moved on. i mean me and my wife maybe have one argument a year in the last 10 years. you guys may be diffrent and thats cool, just seems weird to me. like you always see the women that get hit all the time, but they wont leave their husband, theylle say the love him and he doesnt meani, in reality thats not love. its more fear of being alone i think.



and ga. your married, u may not have the papers, but with everything youve done to protect each other etc. would be like building a car from the ground up then going, u know we dont need windows, it doesnt have windows so its not a car. well bud, it is a car. you just dont want to admit it lol.


but in essence the only thing that matters is what the two people want to do, if u and your girlfriend dont want to be married thats completly fine, but that doesnt mean your any better or smarter then two people who did get married, i could have gone on and stayed un married and it woudln't have changed anything to me. and even after being married over a year now, nothing has change, nor will it. when your with someone for 10 years, all the changes have happened. but i got married because she wanted a wedding and i like her to be happy. and im not any better then any two unmarried people. everyone is diffrent and there will never be just one way that makes everyone happy. kind of a silly decussion when u get down to it because its personal prefereance really.


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