well this thread got lame real quick so allow me to bring it back to life
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you @!#$ them up the ass.
What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!
What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A watermelon floats.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?
Making a bong out of it
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
What's small, and shiny, and blue?
A baby with a plastic baggy over its head
What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What happens when you burn baby's face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art.
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!
What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A Freeloader.
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.
What's the best sound in the world?
Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!
What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun
What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
What's the worst thing about @!#$ a dead baby?
Wiping the blood stains off of your clown suit!
How do you spoil a baby?
Leave it out in the sun.
Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't @!#$ a table
What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
