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For any mom who's ever felt frazzled, overwhelmed or rushed, Oprah says this show is for you. "It's your wake-up call to slow down," she says. "What happened to my guest today could so easily happen to any of you."
Brenda Slaby still blames herself for her daughter's death. She tells moms to slow down and appreciate their kids.
Brenda Slaby says she was once an assistant principal and mother of two who tried her best to be "supermom."
"It was very hard trying to be the perfect mom and the perfect employee," she says. "I try to be everything to everybody... I've always been the kind of person that lived for doing things for other people."
Then, on a hot August afternoon in 2007, she says she went from being a good role model for children, a good administrator and a good parent to being the most hated mom in America.
When Brenda woke up on August 23, 2007, she says she knew she had a busy day ahead of her. Summer vacation was coming to a close, and it was the first day back for teachers at her school. That morning, the rush to get out the door was more frantic than usual, she says.
Brenda and her husband, Gary, got their two young daughters, Allison and Cecilia, dressed and ready to go. Then, in a departure from their regular routine, Brenda loaded 2-year-old Cecilia into her car to take her to the babysitter's house.
"I had a dentist appointment, and I asked Brenda to take Cecilia," Gary says. "I normally took both Cecilia and Allison, dropped Cecilia off at the sitter and Allison off at preschool."
With Cecilia sleeping in the backseat, Brenda pulled out of the driveway at about 6 a.m. When she realized it was too early to drop her youngest child off, she decided to run a quick errand. Brenda stopped at the store to buy doughnuts, a treat for the returning teachers.
After loading her car with snacks, she got on the road that led to her school and drove straight there. With her mind racing through all the things she needed to accomplish before teachers arrived, Brenda got right to work. "I had lots of things to set up," she says. "I was nervous and frantic that morning because it was such an important day to get the school year [off] to a great start."
The day began with a staff meeting, followed by lunch. While chatting with new teachers between meetings, Brenda says she talked about her daughters. "My feeling was it was a great first start," she says. "It was going to be a great school year, and it was a great start to the day."
At about 4 p.m., Brenda was in her office, getting ready to head home when all hell broke loose. "A good teacher friend of mine -- sometimes I think it was a blessing it was her -- was on her way home, and she walked by my car," Brenda says. "She ran into my office and she said, 'Brenda, your baby's in the car.'"
Brenda immediately grabbed her keys and raced to the parking lot. "I knew what I was going to find," she says. "I opened my car door, and I remember hearing the voices around me. Teachers who were close to me [were] screaming."
When she got to her car she found Cecilia in the backseat, still strapped into her car seat. Brenda says she grabbed her daughter out of the car as fast as she could, but she knew it was too late.
"I knew she was gone as soon as I picked her up, I knew," she says. "I remember I took her, and I ran through the parking lot with her, screaming her name. Then, what brought me kind of to consciousness, I guess, was somebody from the cafeteria yelled for me to bring her here."
Brenda says she handed her lifeless daughter to someone who tried to revive her. Then, she retreated to another part of the cafeteria and began to pray. "I heard people yelling for ice, and I sat in a ball and I prayed," she says. "I prayed harder than I've ever prayed in my life... But I knew she was gone."
Cecilia died of a heatstroke after being left in the car for nearly eight hours. Outside, temperatures had reached 100 degrees.
Gary was working when he received a frantic call from Brenda's principal. "He said, 'Get over to the school right now,'" Gary says. "And I said, 'What's up?' [He said,] 'It's an emergency.'"
In the car on the way to his wife's school, Gary says he never considered that his child's life might be in danger. "The whole time I'm thinking, 'What disgruntled employee did something crazy?'" he says. "I said, 'Well, maybe something happened to Brenda.'"
When Gary pulled into the school parking lot, he says he saw a lot of commotion. Brenda's principal pulled him off to the side to tell him what happened. "He looked at me and he says, 'Cecilia's dead,'" Gary says. "I didn't even think to ask him, 'How? Why?' I just got up and sort of walked off to be by myself. I was just in shock. I didn't know what to do."
Despite his grief, Gary says he has never blamed his wife for Cecilia's death. "I could have done the same thing very easily," he says. On nights when his wife had to work late, Gary says she'd ask him to pick up the girls from the babysitter's house, a break from their normal routine. A few times, he says he forgot. Oprah.com: How to heal your grief
"I get out of work thinking about what I'm going to do when I get home, this and that. I'm going up the highway, [I realize,] 'Oh, my gosh. I left her at the sitter's,'" he says. "I would have to turn around, go back and get her."
Gary doesn't hold Brenda responsible, but Brenda still blames herself. "I realized the most important person in the world to me lost out because I didn't plan well enough," she says. "She's the one that slipped through the cracks."
The day Cecilia died, Brenda was taken to a police station where she was questioned for more than two hours. During her emotional confession, she says police officers were empathetic. "Never during the questioning did they seem accusatory," Brenda says. One officer assured Brenda that no one thought she meant to hurt Cecilia.
Brenda, on the other hand, was not easy on herself. "Good mothers don't do this," she said during the questioning. "How could I not think of my daughter? I want to die. I just want to die."
Brenda admits she had left Cecilia in a running car before, but she says she never made a habit of it. "The day that Cecilia died was so different because I completely forgot that she was there," she says.
While the police may have been empathetic, Brenda says her community was not. "My community was in outrage," she says. "I was the most hated mom."
Although Brenda says her staff and principal were wonderful to her, she says the decision makers in the school district decided they wanted nothing to do with her. Oprah.com: How to slow down
Although coping has been difficult, Brenda says she has found a higher purpose that is helping her move forward. "Almost immediately, I said, 'How am I going to make something out of this?' I have been given this to bear for a reason, and I'm not going to let Cecilia's life be in vain. That I'm going to use what I've learned in this whole process to change lives for other people."
Brenda says the lesson she learned that she wants to pass on to other moms is to slow down -- don't become overwhelmed with perfection. "I've learned to say a lot, 'It just doesn't matter,'" she says. "The house doesn't matter, the perfect dinner doesn't matter -- the kids matter."
From "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "A Overwhelmed Mom's Deadly Mistake" © 2008
Let me get this straight... the woman has TWO children and can't keep track of them? My grandma had 13 children and never lost one. My girlfriend's family had seven kids, never lost one. Why is anyone pitying this moron?
The moral is not "Slow Down", the moral is LEARN TO COUNT. You forget your car keys, you forget to let the dog back in, you forget to put the little twistie tie back on the bread thing. YOU DON'T FORGET A KID IN THE DAMN CAR!!! No one is that absentminded.
I also love how this career obsessed mom is turning into a crusade obsessed mom. She's learned absolutely nothing from this ordeal.
Look, raising kids is not
that complicated until they hit about 13. You give em a bedroom, feed em three times a day, buy em a couple of toys and make sure they take a bath and brush their teeth. It's not rocket science. What's her book about this ordeal gonna be called "I'm a dumbass, you're a dumbass..."?
This is also why, I feel that women should stay at home and raise kids for the first 6 years of their lives while the dad works 2 jobs to make ends meet. It's not sexism, it's assigning duty. I provide family with bread, wife feeds family the bread. It's very simple and straightforward.
Knoxfire Said:
Quote:
This is also why, I feel that women should stay at home and raise kids for the first 6 years of their lives while the dad works 2 jobs to make ends meet. It's not sexism, it's assigning duty. I provide family with bread, wife feeds family the bread. It's very simple and straightforward.
I agree. And if the wife is not ready for that yet, then don't have kids yet. It's really not that hard, and it's not good for kids to be raised by different people every week at the day care center.
Knoxfire wrote:Let me get this straight... the woman has TWO children and can't keep track of them? My grandma had 13 children and never lost one. My girlfriend's family had seven kids, never lost one. Why is anyone pitying this moron?
The moral is not "Slow Down", the moral is LEARN TO COUNT. You forget your car keys, you forget to let the dog back in, you forget to put the little twistie tie back on the bread thing. YOU DON'T FORGET A KID IN THE DAMN CAR!!! No one is that absentminded.
I also love how this career obsessed mom is turning into a crusade obsessed mom. She's learned absolutely nothing from this ordeal.
Look, raising kids is not that complicated until they hit about 13. You give em a bedroom, feed em three times a day, buy em a couple of toys and make sure they take a bath and brush their teeth. It's not rocket science. What's her book about this ordeal gonna be called "I'm a dumbass, you're a dumbass..."?
This is also why, I feel that women should stay at home and raise kids for the first 6 years of their lives while the dad works 2 jobs to make ends meet. It's not sexism, it's assigning duty. I provide family with bread, wife feeds family the bread. It's very simple and straightforward.
considering some of your OT posts, I think your opinion has little weight here.
choosey moms choose J03Y wrote:
considering some of your OT posts, I think your opinion has little weight here.
Still doesn't change that I'm right and she's wrong.
choosey moms choose J03Y wrote:Knoxfire wrote:Let me get this straight... the woman has TWO children and can't keep track of them? My grandma had 13 children and never lost one. My girlfriend's family had seven kids, never lost one. Why is anyone pitying this moron?
The moral is not "Slow Down", the moral is LEARN TO COUNT. You forget your car keys, you forget to let the dog back in, you forget to put the little twistie tie back on the bread thing. YOU DON'T FORGET A KID IN THE DAMN CAR!!! No one is that absentminded.
I also love how this career obsessed mom is turning into a crusade obsessed mom. She's learned absolutely nothing from this ordeal.
Look, raising kids is not that complicated until they hit about 13. You give em a bedroom, feed em three times a day, buy em a couple of toys and make sure they take a bath and brush their teeth. It's not rocket science. What's her book about this ordeal gonna be called "I'm a dumbass, you're a dumbass..."?
This is also why, I feel that women should stay at home and raise kids for the first 6 years of their lives while the dad works 2 jobs to make ends meet. It's not sexism, it's assigning duty. I provide family with bread, wife feeds family the bread. It's very simple and straightforward.
considering some of your OT posts, I think your opinion has little weight here.
Yea I think thats about right.......
OT idk where you live and frankly I dont care since the policy is a US national standard. If a woman gives birth her ass is due back to work after a period of 12 weeks. Keep in mind those 12 weeks in the US are unpaid, so if its a single mother or a family barely making income as it is, they are going to go back to work or risk losing their job.
If the United States adopted the same policy of outside countries, like that of Germany. Who has 14 weeks of maternity leave and 3 years of parental leave with 100% of prior earnings and a flat rate income for 2 years(3rd year unpaid). Than we would be in a better situation. But till than situations like this are bound to happen, and happen more frequently than you or anyone else would actually expect.
Also 6 years is pushing it even by my standards, during infant years its best to have both father and mother present while raising the child. With your ideology the father is just needed to pay the bills, and doesn't need to even see his kid grow up. Yea your idea sucks its that simple.
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choosey moms choose J03Y wrote:Knoxfire wrote:Let me get this straight... the woman has TWO children and can't keep track of them? My grandma had 13 children and never lost one. My girlfriend's family had seven kids, never lost one. Why is anyone pitying this moron?
The moral is not "Slow Down", the moral is LEARN TO COUNT. You forget your car keys, you forget to let the dog back in, you forget to put the little twistie tie back on the bread thing. YOU DON'T FORGET A KID IN THE DAMN CAR!!! No one is that absentminded.
I also love how this career obsessed mom is turning into a crusade obsessed mom. She's learned absolutely nothing from this ordeal.
Look, raising kids is not that complicated until they hit about 13. You give em a bedroom, feed em three times a day, buy em a couple of toys and make sure they take a bath and brush their teeth. It's not rocket science. What's her book about this ordeal gonna be called "I'm a dumbass, you're a dumbass..."?
This is also why, I feel that women should stay at home and raise kids for the first 6 years of their lives while the dad works 2 jobs to make ends meet. It's not sexism, it's assigning duty. I provide family with bread, wife feeds family the bread. It's very simple and straightforward.
considering some of your OT posts, I think your opinion has little weight here.
Strongly agreed!
Try and stop thinking about yourself for once. You are not perfect either. Don't you have a heart? That has to be an extremely traumatic experience.
FORGET GIRLS GONE WILD WE HAVE GOVERNMENT SPENDING GONE WILD!
It wasn't like she intentionally left her child to go smoke crack in an alley or something. Which definitely happens. The only reason anyone cares about this incidence is because its someone in a position of power who is supposed to be the most amazing person alive. If some crack addict left their child in the car there wouldn't be a news story.
This woman shouldn't breed.
Retroactive abortions FTW
Naturally the common people don't want war; neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in
America, nor in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the
country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along,
whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist
dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the
leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and
denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the
same in any country. - Hermann Goring
this just proves how @!#$y mccains judgement is. the only reason he chose palin, is because she is a hot soccer mom. did he really think women voters whouldnt see that??? i mean come on.........
"There is no point in looking fast if your not."
Red2.ZCavi (The Slanky One) wrote:this just proves how @!#$y mccains judgement is. the only reason he chose palin, is because she is a hot soccer mom. did he really think women voters whouldnt see that??? i mean come on.........
are you on glue?
huffing glue is bad mmmkay
Really someone make sense of this.
Where he is coming from is saying Palin can't handle the V.P. Position which is bull since oh wait her husband is a stay at home father. She will have aides as well as a good staff to help in taking care of her children and I am pretty sure her maternal instincts will kick in and she will balance it well.
So you fail for trying to prove that she can't handle the job by using this as a point.
Now go read the thread the whole way through and see that the problem is people are having a hard time handling a career and a family especially if they have to make ends meet. I will say that it is so very important to have both parents in the picture for their entire life. There isn't one day I go and I am well off in college that I stop and think hey what would my folks do (if you knew my situation you would say WTF).
People have to work harder on finding a balance it may not be every day but if they work at it that will help. This is unfortunate but I am sure slowing down and assessing the situation would prove to help a lot of cases.
The proper way of using the word seen. It is not I seen it that would be I saw it. He has seen the car is the right way to use the word. English class is Cool. By the way thats my sig
It is such ashame that it could have been prevented easily. I could see like the fathers example, just a few minutes later your remember you forgot about something. That happens to all of us on occasion. But to go through the whole day....
As far as the woman staying home for 6 years? I disagree. For one it isn't fair for the hubby to work (like was said) 2 jobs, etc. A father is just as important in a child's life as the mother. I certainly agree the mom needs & deserves some time away from work to recouperate. Pregnancy & expecially giving birth is not a cake walk. I think a few months of maternity leave (like 3) is fair. I also think the father deserves 2 weeks off or so once the baby is born, to not only bond with the baby, but it is a joint-effort. The baby needs that bonding time with its parents on a solid basis in the beginning.
I've seen that daycare is sometimes almost as much money as you would make working, so in some cases it isn't even worth working
just to pay for the day care.
Quiklilcav wrote:The bottom line is that the woman was focussed more on her day of work than her kids. This is a good argument against both parents having a career. I'm not going to say that the woman always has to be the one who stays home, or only has a part time job, but seriously, your kids need to come first, and they should always be top of mind. If you can't get that straight, you shouldn't be a parent. Someone has to be the full time parent.
Nope. Wrong. It's an argument against letting people have kids indiscriminantly. Unfortunately, we hold reproductive rights too dear and the last thing I'd want is some smegma-encrusted douche-nozzle like McCain, or Obama decide who has the right to reproduce.
If anything, I'd say in a round-about way it's an argument for repealing laws that protect people from themselves: That way the problem sorts itself out with more dead babies, mained kids, parents having to sell the plasma TV to care for kids maimed by junk DNA or by their own incompetance, and within a generation, you'll have the parents of tomorrow focusing more on raising their kids and making sure they could do it effectively.
After all, all you'd need is a few WASP parents that are denied government fundage to care for their kid that had their arms blown off by an M-80 or got a do-it-yourself trans-orbital lobodomy from a lawn dart and had to foot the bill themselves before the great unwashed woke up and realized, "Hey, ya know, TV isn't doing a good enough job of being a parent...crap, now I have to do it!"
On a similar note, I saw a breif poll on CNN about whether or not parents can give up kids if the burden is too great. My vote, "Yes, only if BOTH parents are pemanently sterilized, and are forbidden to adopt...EVER."
Again, problem sorted in a generation or two.
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Quiklilcav wrote:Red2.ZCavi (The Slanky One) wrote:this just proves how @!#$y mccains judgement is. the only reason he chose palin, is because she is a hot soccer mom. did he really think women voters whouldnt see that??? i mean come on.........
Do you read the threads you post it, or just the title? 
no admittidly i didnt read this thread, till now. figured i knew who the idiot was... :p sorry yall
"There is no point in looking fast if your not."
Red2.ZCavi (The Slanky One) wrote:Quiklilcav wrote:Red2.ZCavi (The Slanky One) wrote:this just proves how @!#$y mccains judgement is. the only reason he chose palin, is because she is a hot soccer mom. did he really think women voters whouldnt see that??? i mean come on.........
Do you read the threads you post it, or just the title?
no admittidly i didnt read this thread, till now. figured i knew who the idiot was... :p sorry yall
well we know who the idiot is now lol
sorry couldn't resist that one.
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this kind of thing happens more often than ya think
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sndsgood wrote:Red2.ZCavi (The Slanky One) wrote:Quiklilcav wrote:Red2.ZCavi (The Slanky One) wrote:this just proves how @!#$y mccains judgement is. the only reason he chose palin, is because she is a hot soccer mom. did he really think women voters whouldnt see that??? i mean come on.........
Do you read the threads you post it, or just the title?
no admittidly i didnt read this thread, till now. figured i knew who the idiot was... :p sorry yall
well we know who the idiot is now lol
sorry couldn't resist that one.
lol, yea i had that one coming...
"There is no point in looking fast if your not."
